bohong (?)
it’s not that i like to lie. who does?
but i have to admit that i lied a few moment ago.
i did not have the chance to finish my bachelor degree. i quit on my third year. and i don’t have the slightest feeling of embarrassment because of it, although i know it’s not something to be proud of.
my current and former employers know about this and i never get any complaints about my not having a bachelor degree (only once, but her case was a completely different story). my employers, whom i earn my money from don’t have any problem with it, so i think so do other people.
hm.
on the contrary with my bosses, the people i have personal relation with, (well, most of them) cannot restrain themselves to at least ask me, “why did you quit from your university education?”. and each time any person ask this to me, s/he will only receive one of two answer from me, in which i will only give it based on my mood at that time.
either i will say, “i was facing family challenges which i successfully overcome few years ago (a simplified version of the actual case)”, if i feel like i want to give a small act of kindness to that person.
or, this is what usually happen, i questioned their question, “why do you want to know?”. stunned, they usually will say, “nothing. i just want to know (and some might add, “to learn from your experience”). in which i will only give one response, “so it won’t kill you if i refuse to give you any answer, right? because i don’t feel like giving it” and smile.
yeah, i know.
pheeew…
really, i’m not being hard on people. but i’ve learned my lesson that not everyone care. most of the people ask only to fulfill their curiosity. and with every answer given, their curiosity grown bigger.
kembali ke laptop. so, basically i never lie about my unfinished university education. until recently.
few months ago, i found myself in an important conversation with a person. this person said, “education is the second most important thing in my family” and continue the statement with a question, “do you have any foreseeable plan of continuing your study in the future?”.
and to my surprise i answered, “i do”.
and that was the my biggest lie ever.
i don’t know why i did that. maybe because i was trying too hard to be accepted. i did not want to ruin anything. but even that time i knew i was lying.
it was a lie because i could not see myself struggling for four years to have my degree. oh, i love studying. but picturing myself doing the never ending tasks is what horrifies me. i mean, i already have a full time job. if i was going to take night class or weekend class, then when i can get my holiday? no~~it’s not the future i have in mind.
but still, after i got that answer out of my mouth, i tried to believe it.
i even sent a text message to my bestfriend saying that, “i will study abroad one day. as a scholarship student. i don’t know how, but i will” to which she replied, “hm”.
sigh. even my bestfriend knew.
fortunately i don’t have to lie for a long time. the important conversation is no longer important.
i will not doubt that education is important. and for some people, education is the second most important in their life, that makes them see (read: judge) someone based on her/his educational background. i won’t mind them, really. but for that i learned three important lessons.
first, i understand that each of us experienced different kind of challenges in our life which enriched us, thus changed our point of view. or at least that’s the knowledge i have each time i interact with people.
in every interaction, i will grow respect and affection to that person and gain knowledge and wisdom to myself. that is why i will never be able to see (read: judge) other people’s ability (or characters, for sure) only from their educational background.
second, i might want to continue my study in the future. not for the foreseeable time, maybe in the next three or five years. but first i still have my homework, which is finding my passion. i have to find it before i decide what subject i will have for my degree. without that passion, i am sure i will not survive to pass four years of consecutive tasks.
and the third was that as much as lying will hurt other people’s feeling (and yourself when you lie to other people-at least that’s what i felt), the pain is multiplied by two thousand when you lie to yourself.
honesty really is a treasure.
ah…i need some cold tomato juice.
